How to talk about Alzheimer's with kids!

When a member of the family becomes ill, and I'll talk particularly about Alzheimer's disease on this posting, the family goes through big changes. Several feelings and questions arise for adults as well for the children. Fearing to make the child suffer or spare it from the worst, parents and/or responsibles can avoid the issue and soften it.

When the child becomes aware of the changes that happen to the ill, mostly the child's grandfather/grandmother, of their strange behavior, loss of their faculties, and progressive deterioration, it is necessary to explain what's going on.

It's very important to make the child see that its parent is still the same person and that there's nothing to fear, even if the parent is acting strangely, that now it's necessary to take good care of the ill. The important thing is that the child continues to consider his grandparent as a fundamental family figure. If we think that children imitate adult behavior, if the adults are kind and caring, the child will also be. Handling the situation consciously will make children feel safe.

Some feelings children have when living together with someone who's ill such as curiosity, fear, and anxiety are normal. In this case, curiosity manifests itself through the unknown that lies ahead, so the child tries to understand more about the illness, its symptoms and signs.

Questions like "until when will he remember me or my name", "it was my fault" are common. Recurrent questions also appear such as "is it normal to feel different about my grandfathe now" and "how to deal with his changes of mood".

The best option for families living through this is to talk honestly and clearly about it. Depending on the children's age explain what's happening and let it speak about its thoughts and feelings. Gradually introduce more explanations about the illness and about how to take care of the grandparent(s). It is common to think that by exposing children to these situations we're failing to protect them, but hiding the issue and pretending nothing's happening will only cause more anguish and negative feelings. 

There are several publications available on how to approach this issue with children. I've recently run into two books which I'll indicate:

In their book "Why Did Grandma Put Her Underwear in the Refrigerator?" autors Max Wallack and Carolyn Given show kids the tools they need to overcome fear and frustration by means of a light and sensible story. It has easily understandeable explanations on what happens in the brain of the ill, how to deal with gradual loss of memory, with a lost holiday or with the lost grandma! The illustrated 40-page book is the story narrated by a seven year old child with its own style and vocabulary, and conveys with love real strategies, scientific information and lessons of dignity which also may benefit caretakers.

In the book "Grandma Has Become A Baby", written by Renata Paiva, tells the story of Sofia and her grandma Dorinha, who starts to act very strange. She wrongly buttons her blouse up, forgets things she was doing and even starts needing a nanny. It doesn't take long until Sofia realizes that something's wrong with her beloved grandma. 

See you next time,

Laura